Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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