I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
