I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
