Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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