super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
