dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
