You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
