Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
