He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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