i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i now understand why vodka
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
