he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
