i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
