Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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