We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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