He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
