Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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