What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
