So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
