So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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