i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
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My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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