you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
