eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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