you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
