I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
