I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
