I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
