I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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