let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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