marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
