When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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