well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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