her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
