At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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