was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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