Pappa wants mamma naked
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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