don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
