We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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