Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
