winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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