she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
