Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
