...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
