so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
