It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
