Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
