I'm jealous of your bromance
The best revenge is premature balding
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
