In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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