The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
