I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
