i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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