life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
