Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
