Can i not drive my cunt home
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
