i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The adults are the big ones right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
