I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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