Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
