I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
pop tarts are not kleenex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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