you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
