she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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