He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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