I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
