nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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