I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
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Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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