I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
