i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
