Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
