That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
