It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
