i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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