please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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