YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
