she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
