I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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