marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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