I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
